What does it mean to be in love with Tragedy? When the sorrow weighs heavy on my heart, and continuing on means more agony. But then this disparate love somehow… drives me forward.
But what is the point, when sadness begets only sadness, and I find myself more comfortable with its caresse? Happiness becomes a fleeting memory, and a mere gauge to measure how far I’ve fallen into despair.
I feel this anguish seep into my veins, tainting what little is left of my true self.
And so, as a matter of survival, I have learned to extract such venom, through much hardship, and mix it with oil. I use this combination to devise my paintings, and infuse them with my very essence. These are the pieces that have held you spellbound for nights on end.
It all stems from my love for you, Melpomene; my love of Tragedy.
So, we arrived on the Citadel, and it's a good thing I was used to throwing huge Balls and Parties before my Shepard days because the Citadel isn't for the reclusive. I had to 'listen' to the human ambassador spout rhetoric which would have been enough for me to get out of there and leave the humans to their silly wining, but for Captain Anderson. The man gave off an aura of courage and respect that I hadn't seen since Maria...I bet she's mad I got away... But Captain Anderson was endearing, for a non-kindred... Even wondered if he was a ghoul at one point, but he aged, shame... I was thankful for my 'saviors' telling me I could do things 'my way'; it still surprises me how easily us kindred can influence humans with words or a stare, and they forget their annoying wining and you can keep doing it to them later without them understanding what your doing to them... Silly humans. I made the rhetoric stop. I was then told I had to go to some tower, but I wanted to have fun...
One thing I had to get used to, was almost always being followed by 2 others. I like crowds, but personal time is important too, and being tethered to 2 others could be thought as a violation of personal space. First time on the Citadel I was followed by Kaidan, no biggie, and Ashley... At least she was easy to silence... But back to the Citadel. If you took all of the different kindred clans and ghouls in all their varieties, especially the Tzimisce, it would be nothing compared to the races and people on the Citadel! It was decidedly homely if it wasn't for one particular point... Vitae. I was told I could feed if I really needed to as long as I didn't let others see, but I learned the hard way when I couldn't badly needed Vitae and indulged myself. I hadn't realised how long it had been since I had fed until I saw an Asari in a corner... It was in side corridor, secluded and overlooked, and she was so beautiful... I had managed to plant a suggestion into Kaidan's mind to say my name if he saw me freeze, and Ashley was easy enough to influence to make her talk to Kaidan so that they wouldn't see...
Log... I can remembered when the only logs I knew of were in the forest near our home... Where can I begin... It's been so long... I can barely remember the steps that were taken to 'safeguard my life' as someone once put it. All I remember back then are fragments of emotions, and even they feel like someone else's... The Malkavian... My life... The rosary... Soe... My old life if you can call what Kindred have a 'life' ended with something I never thought would happen... They let me see Soe...It meant...so much...Soe... Where are you...? Sorry, it hurts every time I think of Soe now, but more about that later.
After that Selene Liselore De Vries ceased to be, or ceased to matter, I no longer remember... My 'saviours', not knowing how best to rewrite my life, staked me... I no it doesn't kill us... But it still hurts my heart...especially since her… Next I remember I woke up when someone called my name, though it seemed right at the time, it took me a while to realise what happened before someone called me 'Shepard', Selene Shepard. When I looked in the mirror, it wasn’t quite ‘me’ staring back... Oh they were my piercing red eyes, eyes that had helped me many times to get what I wanted... My red lips, like Vitae and fire, my hair was all red now, didn't bother me, looked good... but I was taller, again, not a problem, height is good... But I had aged... How was that even possible? We kindred don't 'age'... It was explained to me that it was done for my safety, to hide me from my enemies... I don't remember them.
Selene Shepard was born on April 11th 2154 on Mindoir in the 'Attican Traverse'... Places still alien to me, though they are more beautiful than Amsterdam, and that mattered more than it should have. Whoever 'remade' me couldn't undo Cain's curse that we Toreador are obsessed by true beauty, though they did somehow plant a hypnotic suggestion in my head. When Toreador see the kind of beauty I have seen, they can be frozen forever, but when someone says 'shepard', then its like a liberating thaw comes over me, and I'm back in the situation at hand. I hate being...hypnotized but I'd thank whoever did that to me. I was told I was in the 'alliance military' which I enlisted in after being saved from slavers who slaughtered my family and friends... That point even though I don't remember it bothers me more than it should have. What made me laugh though was that I was some medal-gifted hero who saved many under impossible odds, though the odds of how I got here are certainly impossible.
